Tom Barthel Consulting

Do the Olympics teach parents how to discipline underperforming teenagers?

Do you know a teenager with disappointing behavior?

Who is it that comes to mind? What’s their name? If it is someone else’s teen, you may feel opinionated. You may feel strongly about what should happen to set that person straight.

If the person that came to mind is your teenager, you may feel less opinionated and more lost. Lost at what to do next. You may have feelings of embarrassment & failure and a lack of hope for that teen that had so much potential but is now wasting away into drugs, bad behaviors, and lack of respect for anything that makes sense to you. You probably want this to stop right now and have them confront the truth of their behaviour.

You can make that happen. You can have your teen confront the truth and consequences of their own behaviour. Read this email, learn its message, and put the tips provided into action.

If the person you thought of is someone else’s teen, take a small risk with your relationship and give those parents a call. Offer support and compassion, in whatever way that looks like to you, and forward them this email. Let them know that:

Drugs, alcohol, crime, dysfunction, laziness and no sense of direction are optional. Below is one step, in a proven direction.

If you are at all hesitant, give me a call and I will help you take that first step!

Does laying it out on the line for your teen feel like a good fit for your house?

403-391-4184

Call and tell me about the struggle you are dealing with.

Parenting Tip For You

The Olympic Coach

An Olympic Coach has a young athlete he is trying to bring to the medal podium. This person serves as a mentor, father figure, friend and leader to the athlete. This coach uses not only his expertise in sport, he also utilizes his relationship with the young athlete to get him to perform. Everything the coach says, his facial expressions, tone of voice and behavior towards the athlete has an impact. 

Does this sound like parenting?  You bet it does.

What the coach does NOT say to the athlete:

  1. “Well son, you know it would be a lot better if you did 15 laps in the pool, I am not sure if talking to the pretty lifeguard is in your best interests. I mean, it’s your choice I am just saying that -well-uhmmm- I am not going to fight with you- I uhhhh- think you are going to regret this decision in the end I uhhhhh…..”
  2. You will also never hear “That’s it!  I asked you twice to lift those weights I won’t ask you three times. I am going to simply kick you out if you don’t want to participate, you can go exercise at some other coach’s gym if you won’t listen to me.”

That sounds pretty disappointing does it not?  Why do good coaches not talk that way? Is it because it’s not motivational?  That quitting on an athlete doesn’t get them to the top?  Or is it because it just does not sound productive and is extremely weak handed.

All of those reasons are why good coaches do not motivate their athletes that way.

So why do I hear so many stories about parents who talk to their young teens this way? I overhear in restaurants and churches parents who are pleading and negotiating with their teenagers to behave.  Can you imagine that? Pleading and negotiating with a teenager to do their chores? That is no way to live, and the teenager does not like it either.

You do not plead and negotiate with young teenagers. Or any children for that matter.

You raise them. You cause learning to happen like you are the one in charge.

"Have a relationship with your underperforming teen that is just like the relationship between an Olympic Coach and their athlete. It's a path to incredible success".

Tom Barthel

If you find yourself negotiating with your children, you have already lost and have laid the foundation for a psychology of weakness and vulnerability to addiction and dysfunctional behaviour.

Does laying it out on the line for your teen feel like a good fit for your house?

403-391-4184

Call and tell me about the struggle you are dealing with.

NOBODY expects an Olympic coach to be a marshmallow. They don’t call it the Marshmallow Olympics do they?

No, they do not. They call it the greatest competition on earth, and it requires the greatest discipline on earth. It’s an event where people make things happen.

Parents are supposed to make things happen in their teenager’s life. School teachers are supposed to make things happen. Family services are supposed to make things happen.

Grown ups are supposed to make discipline and skills happen when kids are young. Parents are supposed to make children learn financial management starting as early as 7 years old. Parents are not supposed to wait till their children are in their mid 20’s and clueless about RRSP’s, mortgages, and equity. 

It should take hours upon hours of parents giving a non-democratic education to the teenager. By non-democratic I mean it is not an option for the teen to attend. These educations should be delivered in regard to peer pressuresexual values, proper nutritionmotivational issues, how to manage one’s thoughts and emotions, etc.

Hours upon hours of useful and practical education from parent to child are needed. Like 300 hours over the span of the teenage years.

If you or a parent you know could use the feelings above

403-391-4184

Call now, I will teach you how to get those results.

That is how Olympic coaches prepare their athletes. Hours upon hours of education, training, and practice. Then the coach cheers on their athlete’s successes. The coach connects and bonds by reinforcing their wins. Then the coach breaks down their athlete’s failures into little pieces and goes over it with their athlete until is perfectly understood.

The coach is reliable, motivating, trustworthy, consistent, supportive, cool to hang out with and hard as nails. He is a sort of friend and master all in one breath. He holds high expectations and standards and holds the athlete to them, and most importantly the athlete gets away with nothing.

Here is what does not work:

  • Letting your teen discover life at their own pace.
  • Letting them endure substandard results for long periods of time “until they have had enough” and finally realize on their own accord they should do better.
  • Waiting for your underperforming teen to come to you and ask about how to solve a problem.

Parents are way better off behaving like an Olympic coach. Getting it together, lighting a fire under their teenager’s backside, and training the hell out of them all while being the teenager’s best mentor and friend at the same time.

A Parent Who Got This To Work

Myself and my four kids are all great. My son is not totally out of the woods yet but he has come miles from where he was and I thank you again for your help. He is physically back to being very healthy and has not lost his love of staying very fit and keeping his love and God given talent for volleyball. It’s like we have our loving brother and son back. Our relationship is almost back to where it used to be. Please continue to send me your newsletters and know that I would recommend your help to anyone who I know needs it.

Michelle Johnson, Red Deer AB, Accountant.

So What Do I Do Now?

Myself and my four kids are all great. My son is not totally out of the woods yet but he has come miles from where he was and I thank you again for your help. He is physically back to being very healthy and has not lost his love of staying very fit and keeping his love and God given talent for volleyball. It’s like we have our loving brother and son back. Our relationship is almost back to where it used to be. Please continue to send me your newsletters and know that I would recommend your help to anyone who I know needs it.

Michelle Johnson, Red Deer AB, Accountant.

Follow these simple steps to role model raising your teen like a coach raises their athlete.

  1. Watch 5 popular movies about athletes and coaches.  Ex.  Rocky, The Peaceful Warrior (my favourite), Hoosiers, Miracle, Friday Night Lights, Coach Carter, Remember the Titans, Warrior, Glory Road.
  2. Watch some inspiring teacher movies: Lean on Me, Stand and Deliver, Dangerous Minds
  3. Observe how these coaches and teachers set boundaries and how they relate to their athletes and students.
  4. When training your teenager to live life, copy these coaches and teachers.
  • Copy their mannerisms.
  • Copy their tone of voice.
  • Copy their style.
  • Copy their words

Call Today

Get the behavior you want from your child.

I will teach you how to train the skills you want into your teen.

I will do it with you, and in extreme cases I can do it for you.

I have templates, resources, and real-life examples you can model.

Let’s talk.

Click Here

Get the behavior you want from your child.

I will teach you how to train the skills you want into your teen.

I will do it with you, and in extreme cases I can do it for you.

I have templates, resources, and real-life examples you can model.

Let’s talk.

Call here

403-391-4184

For a quick response

P.S. If you know another parent who is struggling, call me now. Tell me about them. I can help you get them started in a new direction. 403-391-4184.

WWW. TOMBARTHELCONSULTING .COM

Tom Barthel